Tuesday, September 11, 2012

My new tattoo.

I've been meaning to write this post for ages now but I've been a bit lazy on the blogging front, but with this being Suicide Awareness Week its perfect timing. 

As a child we had a van, every Sunday, my brothers, a few cousins and I, would get in the back and my dad would randomly drive around while we played wrestling, or other silly games in the back. (Imagine doing that these days!) 

So this one Sunday, on a drive, my cousin (also my best friend) and I were having a conversation about what life would be like if there was no sky...or grass...or shopping centres (we were only 8) and my brother, Daniel, interrupted and said 'Imagine there were no spacemen...'. Carly and I thought this was the silliest thing because who cares about spacemen? You can't live without a sky but you can live without spacemen. So we laughed and teased him, and then that Madness song 'House of fun' came on the radio and we all sang along. Happy days.

Anyway, roll on a million years later to November 7th 2011, the night my little brother died. We were sitting in that grim room in the hospital were the bereaved family are brought. In between hysterical tears, panic attacks and hugs, Carly said 'Imagine their were no spacemen' and we both started laughing. 

Since then that has become my fondest memory. Something so simple, when life was trouble free and perfect. So got a spaceman, as he's up there now, my very own spaceman.

I chose to get it on my arm because I want people to see it, I want people to ask about it so I can tell them my story. Some people are uncomfortable when I say how my brother died, but most people are curious and I can talk to them about it, they hear about the grief, about how we had no idea he was depressed, how he 'wasn't the type', how we were the family who thought it would never happen to us, and how heartbroken we are to never have had a chance to tell him how much we love him. 

So to me, creating that awareness and breaking down that stigma attached to talking about depression and suicide is the best thing I can do to prevent someone else feeling the pain I do everyday. 

Sorry, bit of a long post but there ya go! Anyone else have tattoo's with special meanings? 

P.s: If anyone else has had experience with suicide feel free to email me, strangely enough I enjoy talking about it. 


  1. This is the best tattoo, so personal too! xo

  2. This is such an emotional tattoo, and I love those kind. What a wonderful idea :) x


  3. I think this is amazing that you've shared this with us, thank you!


  4. This has actually made me cry. My best friend at school took too much cocaine and ended up cutting her wrists in a park. It kills me to this day, but this is a lovely thing. So personal, and it's nice to think they're still up there.


  5. I'm so sorry for your loss and what a brave thing to do to share it and bring awareness to these types of situations. I love that your tattoo has great meaning to you and is so special. Thanks for sharing!
    Nikki at www.bedazzlesafterdark.com

  6. This was a beautiful post - you are very strong xx

  7. That tattoo looks amazing. I would never get a tattoo just because I get bored of things so easily!
    The only thing I said I would get is if someone close to me passed I would get something to remind em of them!
    What you have got is beautiful. It's such a nice story and great that you can now always be reminded! xx

  8. Thank you for sharing your story.
    When my cousin was 14 years old, she took her own life (in a very gruesome way that I don't think anyone needs to read about). She was 14 years old. How can you even feel so bad about yourself and life at 14 that you don't want to live anymore? I for sure did not see it coming. It's so hard to deal with. It's definitely a permanent solution to temporary problems.
    My sister wants to get a tattoo honoring our cousin as well.

    xo Jennifer


  9. Lovely post, well written and a lovely sentiment and dedication to your bro. I love the tattoo, safe to say, because of its meaning and everything, its one of the best tattoos Iv seen! Well done, Im sure your bro would think it super cool of you to have it done in his memory. Thank you for sharing, and maybe easing the pain of someone else who is suffering a similar loss x

  10. Incredible post, and I love the tattoo <3

  11. What a wonderful way to remember your brother! Love your tattoo hun xx

  12. I've already said how I love your tattoo, but this is the most amazing reason to get it. What a perfect way to remember your brother, but also to tell your story and raise awareness, like you said.
    Thank you for sharing!

  13. My brother passed away as well last year and I also have a tattoo to remember him by.

    Yours is beautiful by the way. Both the story and the artistry.


  14. Your post nearly brought me to tears. Such a lovely memory to have tatooed on your arm :) x

  15. This is a beautiful post, the tattoo is wonderful! x

  16. It's such a lovely idea to have a tattoo with a memory like that. Yours truly touched my heart and I can't get over the fact that that's such an awesome tattoo. I've already wondered why you've chosen a spaceman as your header but now I'm sure your little brother loves you even more for that plus this tattoo always reminds you of him. A really wonderful way to, yeah, stay in touch with him.. :-)

  17. This is a lovely story, I'm so sorry about your loss though..I love the tattoo, I'm sure your brother would be proud.


  18. wow this gave me goosebumps reading this.. can't imagine what you've been through but I definitely love tattoos with a meaning. Weirdly my family's lucky number is 21, and its the house number we live at.. so I'm trying to decide a nice place to get that x


  19. i've tears in my eyes reading this! sorry about your brother. what a nice post?


  20. First I saw your tattoo, thinking y this. I read the post. I'm so sorry about your brother.
    Such a lovely feeling I have now.
    I'm visiting your blog for the first time and bookmarked it. will visit often from now :)


  21. This was such a lovely and touching story, what a lovely tribute to your brother. You are such a strong person and your tattoo is amazing (: I love your blog, you are so inspiring xoxo


  22. Beautiful tattoo, I'm sorry to hear about your brother but thank you for sharing your story.

    Now following you.



  23. oh such a heart touching story
    what a great way to celebrate your brother x


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