I've been meaning to write this post for ages now but I've been a bit lazy on the blogging front, but with this being Suicide Awareness Week its perfect timing.
As a child we had a van, every Sunday, my brothers, a few cousins and I, would get in the back and my dad would randomly drive around while we played wrestling, or other silly games in the back. (Imagine doing that these days!)
So this one Sunday, on a drive, my cousin (also my best friend) and I were having a conversation about what life would be like if there was no sky...or grass...or shopping centres (we were only 8) and my brother, Daniel, interrupted and said 'Imagine there were no spacemen...'. Carly and I thought this was the silliest thing because who cares about spacemen? You can't live without a sky but you can live without spacemen. So we laughed and teased him, and then that Madness song 'House of fun' came on the radio and we all sang along. Happy days.
Anyway, roll on a million years later to November 7th 2011, the night my little brother died. We were sitting in that grim room in the hospital were the bereaved family are brought. In between hysterical tears, panic attacks and hugs, Carly said 'Imagine their were no spacemen' and we both started laughing.
Since then that has become my fondest memory. Something so simple, when life was trouble free and perfect. So got a spaceman, as he's up there now, my very own spaceman.
I chose to get it on my arm because I want people to see it, I want people to ask about it so I can tell them my story. Some people are uncomfortable when I say how my brother died, but most people are curious and I can talk to them about it, they hear about the grief, about how we had no idea he was depressed, how he 'wasn't the type', how we were the family who thought it would never happen to us, and how heartbroken we are to never have had a chance to tell him how much we love him.
So to me, creating that awareness and breaking down that stigma attached to talking about depression and suicide is the best thing I can do to prevent someone else feeling the pain I do everyday.
Sorry, bit of a long post but there ya go! Anyone else have tattoo's with special meanings?
P.s: If anyone else has had experience with suicide feel free to email me, strangely enough I enjoy talking about it.