I'm a little late with this post, but the last week and a half has been hectic. You see, this week saw all the craziness that is a firstborn’s first birthday.
So, I am now the insanely proud mother of a one year old little girl....and holy crap is motherhood incredibly different to what I had envisaged.
So to all my pregnant pals, forget all the negative information and advice you’re hearing. Your days are going to be filled with love, laughter and adoration. Your going to be somebody’s world; somebody’s hero. I can happily, proudly say that being a mother is the most special thing I will ever do.
I've mentioned before how awkward I was around children. I didn’t think I had a maternal bone in my body. I knew I would love my child and be a good Mam but never in a million years did I think that I'd be the type of mother I am today.
I was always a little bit selfish, very much into doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to do it. The thoughts of losing that freedom was probably what I feared most about being a parent. That and the loneliness. Because now matter how amazing your support system is (and mine is amazing) you'll still spend an awful lot of time alone with one person, who can only communicate through tears and screams. In addition to these fears, I had people repeatedly telling me 'sleep now', 'go out for dinner', 'throw away your skinny jeans', because "there'll be none of that once the baby arrives".
Yes, it is exhausting and scary and frustrating. And yet, I have never felt so alive and so complete. I laugh more than I ever have done and my heart constantly swells with pride over ‘ordinary’ moments spent with Lyla. Like how she will point at a dog and say 'Oof' (she's so clever) or shout 'Hiya' at strangers to get their attention.
See?! That there! That's the kind of mother I never thought I'd be. When she says 'Oof', some people might not think it’s a big deal. Except it kind of is a big deal, because I'm her mother. I created her, I gave her life. And that makes nothing about motherhood ordinary. Something I never understand until I gave birth.
Each day is filled with raising this little person, creating memories, filling her with confidence and love and building her future. That's not ordinary, that's amazing.
So, to the person that makes me so proud every day: Lyla Jane, you have turned my world upside down and inside out. You light up my life. You make me so proud. You make as happy as anyone could ever hope to feel.
In short: I love you. I love you. I love you.