Tuesday, February 3, 2015

What even is my life?

No sleep. Stretch marks. Flab. Clothes covered in sick. Or poo. Or both. No money (for anything other than nappies obvz). The life of first-time Mom.

But its more than that.

A baby is life changing, obviously, but waaaay more life changing than I expected (and I read all the books, blogs and apps). Every single aspect of my life changed. My social life, my career, my home, my relationships, my body and my hobbies, all changed almost overnight for my new role as a mother.

A role which gives a responsibility like no other, a tiny human completely dependent on me, the least responsible person in the world, for everything, food, warmth and entertainment 24/7. And what thanks does the tiny human give you? 8 months of broken sleep, wrinkles and a never ending pile of washing.

Oh, and a bit of an identity crisis.

Really selling motherhood here.

Now, don't get me wrong; having a child is the most exciting, loving and fulfilling thing I have ever experienced.

(See? Look at the love)

But its tough. Both mentally and physically.

I no longer have the time, energy, or desire to drink wine and go dancing with my friends, and in truth, I probably have more in common with their mums than I do with them nowadays.

I can't win with my career. If I go to work: I miss my baby. If I stay at home: I miss having a job. 
The lack of sleep takes its toll on workout plans, and the lack of time on my appearance.
Not to mention my inability to put together a decent outfit.

So yeah, I've had quite a few 'What even is my life?!' moments over the past year and I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss my old life. I do, I really do. But no amount of moaning is bringing it back.

So its time to embrace this new life and move forward with it. What do I want?

First off, I want to meet other new mums, I mean if I'm feeling like this, then surely there are other new mums out there feeling the same way. We should be getting together, inspiring and motivating each other to use this time of change to really think about what we want and how we are going to get it. 

So if I want to meet new mums who wear new balance and have a similar outlook, then I have to go find them, rather than waiting for them to come to me.
If I want to feel fit and energised again I need to put down the elevenses and go workout. I also need to cook better food. If I can do it for Lyla, then why not for myself?

And if I want a career, I need to be focused and work hard, even if it means leaving baby for a little longer than I’d like to.

So...I am making a late New Year’s Resolution (or maybe a really really early one?) to give myself a kick up the arse and go create the life I want to live.
Positivity FTW!

(P.s. You don't actually have to wear new balance to be my friend)


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